Category: life

Jesus asked her, “Why are you crying? Who are you looking for?” She thought he was the gardener and said, “Sir, if you have taken his body away, please tell me, so I can go and get him.” Then Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him, “Rabboni.” The Aramaic word “Rabboni” means “Teacher.” John 20:15-16 

It’s easy to take for granted the periodic patterns that follow a seasonal cycle. As a chill descends upon a summer in full bloom, I delight in the fall of color that leads to a barren twig, because I know that spring is coming. In the lull of winter’s rest, however, I often miss those first few buds, and the transformation from what looks like death to life appears almost instantaneous. But the surprise of what is not surprising at all is a wonder in itself. And the mystery of what is not mysterious to me is the nature of Easter.

Like when an image, idea, insight appears suddenly out of nowhere, seemingly outside the neurons of my brain, I can only marvel at the thought and contemplate its source. Or when I describe particle-wave duality, explain Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, teach statistical mechanics, the words may sound a little flat, and yet inspire awe in the open-minded.

It requires a bit of imagination to reason through data that is foreign to our everyday observations. What was it like to see blood and water flow from the side of the one who was pierced, to see that body placed in a tomb, to see a stone rolled in front of the entrance, to see that same one standing in front of you saying your name? A unique sequence of events composed as a study of true love and presented as a model of new life.

Now my soul is troubled. What should I say – Father, save me from this hour? But that is why I came to this hour. John 12:27

While traversing the surface of life covered with hills and valleys, I’ve experienced “rock bottom” many times. Each perceived a new limit, assumed to be the absolute lowest. It is impossible, however, for me to distinguish between a local or global minimum. Only a full view of the landscape can reveal the true nature of a state. 

But from the perspective of any bottom – the only way out is up. This ascent requires energy gained from an external source or transferred through heat and collisions. A journey that can be delightful when marked by the warmth of a gentle touch, or painful when scarred by the sting of a hot tempered blow. Only a handful will experience a view from the top or height attainable in the time allotted. Outliers striving beyond their limits to achieve a goal, follow a vision, pursue an ambition knowing the effort will be rewarded by a glimpse of grandeur forever etched in their mind, inscribed in their heart, engraved in their soul. 

The awe of an hour, revealed in context of a troubling question, rationalized in hope of a purposeful plan, doubted in view of deep personal pain. Such was the road to the cross. Palm branches fashioned into whips, loyal followers converted into betrayers, royal blessings turned into crucifixion. A Friday that was only “good” in view of the true meaning of the word. Complete, whole, lacking nothing – a perfection echoed from the beginning and finding fulfillment in an end. 

“…And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20 

What does the middle look like for you? It could be the middle of a day or a week, a season or a life. I don’t see how a middle can be anything but messy. There is always an instant that neatly defines each start – accepting a job, planting a seed, declaring a war. In a similar manner, there is a tick that distinctly clocks the end – an employee is let go, a field is harvested, a treaty is signed. 

It’s easy to get lost in the grand expanse of time between initiation and termination. Wandering in a wilderness of moments that appear to lack direction, meaning and purpose – yet knowing this is where life happens. Lessons are learned, character is conceived, perseverance is produced. 

It seems I should be an expert by now at synthesizing the intermediate, interpreting the median, evaluating the midterm, but sometimes I just feel surrounded and want to give up. Being in between is never comfortable. Which is why I take solace in a promise assuring God is always with me – from beginning, through the middle, until the end. 

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! “Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” Romans 11:33-34

My life is an Old Testament story – you know one where God manifests in a way that doesn’t make sense. One you would never want someone to pattern their life after. One you have no idea what you’re suppose to do with what you just read. There is an innate tendency to reject what appears foreign, antiquated, anomalous. Despite my thoughtful reasoning regarding the necessity of dichotomies, my heart remains speechless when asked why God allows so much evil. Regardless how literal you wish to read the commands spelled out in black and white, not one was written in English, by an American, during the past 1900 years.

So we are left in an uncomfortable place when all we have are the details of our lives and the ever evolving nature of our beliefs. Some take a more conservative route and their boundaries narrow as they navigate right and wrong. Some find a more liberal path leading to wide open spaces as they traverse good and evil. I still want to trust in a God who works for good regardless – in some cases it may require extenuating circumstances, possibly even breaking a rule. But aren’t His judgments unsearchable, His mind unknowable, His ways unfathomable, beyond all we expect or imagine? Whenever I hear someone say “God would never…” I can’t help but think “never say never.”